After several delays, the first 3,000 words of Baphomet Complex are finally here. There are about 40 pages to go, and this section contains no baphomets, monsters, sex, or anything that isn't a little girl sitting at a shop counter.
I've done a bit heavier editing on this than I'v done on Fallen Brides so far because Strange seems to be under the truly bizarre impression that almost every sentence ought to be its own paragraph. I think they may get some kind of shock to their pleasure centers every time they hit the return key.
Note also that neither Strange nor Kenkou Cross have any clear idea what our heroine is actually wearing during this scene. First she's wearing something so short that it lifts up and reveals her navel when she raises her arms, then later she's said to be wearing an apron (which, however short, wouldn't lift up when her arms move because it doesn't go over her shoulders), and finally KC's illustration shows her wearing a vest and a one-piece dress.
Thanks very much for this OthersideofSky, another enjoyable read. I enjoyed Wilmarina's story more so far, but this has only been set up so far. I also know what you mean about the strange spacing and story flow you sometimes get in LNs (or in this case, doujin/fan fic). Hopefully it doesn't drive you too batty :D
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome.
DeleteIt makes for excellent editing practice for me. On the other hand, it does quickly become apparent that the writer of this has a much looser grasp on the flow and grouping of ideas and the uses of language than a more literary genre author like Hoshi Shinichi or Yamada Fuutarou, or even some of the more established light novel authors, like Kikuchi Hideyuki (who, while utterly mad, does manage to churn out page-turners at a frightening pace). One thing that really stands out to me in most of these stories, and in many LNs, is that their authors are clearly more familiar with the writing style of manga or visual novels, as shown in their tendency to write out sighs, yawns, and other indistinct sounds in addition to describing them.